Friday, May 20, 2011

The recipe for happy genitals

Recently, I had a day off work so I decided to go for a full health check up. Unfortunately, my regular doctor wasn’t there. I’m guessing the doctor that I saw obtained his medical license in a back street deal that involved a secret series of handshakes, nods and around two thousand dollars.
After checking my body for any lumps, bumps and checking on the scarring from my penis reduction a couple of years back, the conversation went as follows:
Doctor – “So did you have work today?”
Me – “No, it’s Passover and my boss is Jewish, so we get the day off”.
Doctor – “Are you Jewish?”
This was said not long after he’d spent long enough fondling my genitals to see something that clearly indicates I’m not. It was around this time I became convinced he was going to kill me through malpractice.
The good doctor then proceeded to enquire:
“Do you blow-dry your hair?”
Thinking he was about to compliment my curls, I tartly replied
“No, I don’t even towel dry them”.
Doctor – “Well you do have a blow-dryer at home, yes? Great, well next time you hop out of the shower, to ensure there’s no excess moisture on your penis, which could lead to infection, try blow-drying it. You can do it to your anus, too”.
Shall I also take to my pubes with a straightening iron to ensure the entire area is runway chic?
My only regret is that I didn’t leave a suggestion at reception that the clinic change it’s name to ‘Dr. Khan’s Little Barber Shop For Happy Genitals”.
Please note: I have changed the doctor’s name so that other patients are able to be provided with equal amounts of material for blogs and dinner-party conversation.

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