Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Do you have a burqa I can borrow?

There's a certain facial cream floating around that promises to be a miracle fluid for any nasty zit, blemish and pimple. Hell, I'm surprised it's not used in dentistry. Unfortunately for me, it's become so much more than that. Due to irresponsible use e.g. slathering it in a thick layer akin to whipped cream across my face and it's after effects, I have renamed it : Jizz of the devil.
At first it did get rid of those nasty blemishes, zits and pimples that some of us occasionally get. Then, due to over use, it burnt. Oh hell did it burn. Instead of looking fresh faced as I would've had I have been patient, I looked like someone had been throwing lava at me. Right at my face. Either that or I'd taken up routinely bungee jumping into an active volcano with gay abandon.
When I'd first seen the ads in which various pop-tarts promote it I'd naturally thought 'fools, you're better off rolling in cow shit', but after a while those ads are persuasive. One of said pop-tarts is one of my most hated celebrities, but even I was able to recognise the benefits she'd had after a while. At the end of the day, I just wanted to a California Guy.
Should you see a fellow in skinny jeans and black boots creeping from shop door to shop door with the movements of a cautious goblin while wearing a burqa at least to his knees, come and say hi.

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