Saturday, July 9, 2011

Debbie does traffic control

When my sister and I were little, our mother taught us things like how to read, how to write and how to count in French and Italian. Last weekend I was told about the most bizarre mother to child exchange of skills I've ever heard.
In Melbourne, there's a 60 year old mother. She has children. She also has an occupation you wouldn't expect from a 60 year old mother : she's a stripper. Good on her breaking the mould, one would think. That's not all. It would seem she enjoys her job so much, her daughter does it too. Talk about keeping it in the family. Yahoo.
The mother, lets call her 'Debbie', is still a working girl. Just last week she was hired to strip at a bucks party. It started off quite routinely. She came in, she put on some music, she stripped until she was in nothing but her birthday suit. Then the goody bag came out. 'Debbie' got the first item out. It was a rather large dildo. Quite standard, what you'd expect. Then she had sex with it. The next item is what caught my attention when I was told the story and has had me slack jawed since : a witches hat. Not head gear worn by a broomstick rider. As in an orange witches hat that would section off road works or a construction site. 'Debbie' then proceeded to put the witches hat inside her vagina.
It's not the act itself that has me puzzled, it's what led to it. Does this mean that one day 'Debbie' was walking down the road with her bestie, saw some road works surrounded by witches hats and said something like "Sweet baby Jesus will you LOOK at that witches hat?! Never seen a witches that handsome before. Quick, hold my bag. I'm going to get it. I just can't WAIT to get home and put it in my vagina"?
Keep in mind ol' Debbie ain't no spring chicken. Just imagine the state her poor hoo hoo is in. One would imagine there could be enough room to have events in there and the possibility for its own McDonalds. The mind boggles.
Also, now that witches hats are the new vibrator, does this mean when girls like the once teenage 'Debbie' hit puberty, mothers worldwide are going to have to be extra cautious that rolling pins are only used in food preparation?
Bon appetit!



  1. very tasteful subject Jacob....really sets a quite the visual image in my head that may just haunt me every time I walk past a traffic cone...normally I would be like.. sweet 'hot construction men' now however it will be of a dilapidated va jay jay copping it sweet with a home made dildo...thanks for that :)

  2. My days of stealing witches hats have now, permanently, come to an end! I once watched a pornographic film clip that demonstrated the same act only replace 'Debbie' with a leather daddy. Apparently this sexual act knows no bias.